Jaycum
Jaycum is the alleged firstborn heir of Alexander the Gr8, the king n shidd of Helsibki. Sources dispute whether Jaycum's claim to the throne ever was legitimate, as sources often indicate his mother was nothing more than the average Helsibkan hoe. Jaycum was an average man put up on the throne of Helsibki in a last ditch effort to retain the legitimacy and prestige of the kingdom, but sadly only led to the stagnation, devastation, and the overall end of the Helsibki Kingsnshitdom and the fall from power of the DAT BOI dynasty. He was also a renown homosexual. Early Life, Childhood, and Adolescence Historians estimate that Jaycum was born during his father's conquests, between 330 BC and 326 BC. Jaycum was highly ignored, often beaten and looked down upon, leading to severe development issues, including him becoming greedy, envious, and quite lonely. There is a theory that Jaycum may have had different neurodevelopmental disorders, but it still holds no merit and is quite young for now. Still, there is no doubt that Jaycum was Always Unique, Totally Interesting, and Sometimes Mysterious. Jaycum was abandoned by his mother at the age of 8 5/8ths years old, and sent to work at a public bath-house in Helsibki as bath cleaner, which he would work at until the age of 28 3/5ths. An incident during work at the bath house is said to have triggered a huge fear of water in Jaycum which stayed Rule of Helsibki In 305 BC the Kingsnshitdom of Helsibki hit a crisis. The ruler, Goork the kinda Gr8, was assassinated by a Parisian agent working to undermine Helsibki, which dominated the regions of the Ball-Khans and Asian-Minors at the time. A few months after Goork's death, Jaycum was finally found as the only possible heir to the throne and assumed the position. As kingsnshit of Helsibki, many reforms came from Jaycum's reign, most of them for the worse. Military reform * All of the navy, as well as all boats were to be burned or scuttled due to Jaycum's fear of water * All swords, spears, and other weapons were to be replaced with axes, as they have multiple uses, both as a tool and a weapon * All horses replaced with goats Economic reform * All tools replaced with axes, as axes are very useful in general * All farms and fields were to be replaced with forests * All forms of metallurgy banned, metal should only be used for building * The use of anything but wood for building was to be punished severely * All introductions to the economy after 308 BC were to be banned as surely nothing could get better than that year * A new system of housing based on carts was to be made, historians believe this to be the first inspiration to the recreational vehicle and trailer parks Social reform * The religion of the kingsnshitdom was changed to Spurdoiangri, a bizarre branch of Finno-Mongolian Paganism * Homosexuality was encouraged and set as the normal form of relationship and sexuality for the kingnshitdom * All water was banned from public consumption and punished with death These attempts at reform were not appreciated by the Greek people, and public dissent against Jaycum quickly grew. Death and Legacy In 293 BC the people of Helsibki had enough of Jaycum's tyrannical rule and decided to gather up all the excess manure that couldn't be used in the fields due to the new economic reforms and gathered below his living quarters. Once Jaycum went to sleep, they lit up the manure, proceeding to blow half of Helsibki and sink it into the nearby sea, rendering the entire sea black, giving it the name The Black Sea. The death of Jaycum led to the fall of the Helsibkan kingsnshitdom, which was usurped by the Bazingatine Empire, and the DAT BOI dynasty was disgraced and banished from the Ball-Khans and Asian-Minors regions. The assassination is known as the first recorded shitsplosion in history. Common Nicknames and Aliases * The Greek Geek * The Flaming Waterboy * Shithead * Jaycum the not Gr8 Category:Individuals